Love Yourself
by Lucy Kay
Summary: Breakups are hard. They're even harder on a holiday. And it's even worse when you realize it wasn't so black and white. Entry for the Snowman Solstice Prompt - submitted on the solstice! Because glory hallelujah, it's spring at last. Rated T for tsundere. Picture is not mine.
1. I

**Disclaimer:** I'm done doing disclaimers. Ha.

This is my first ANB fic! Who'd a thunk?! It's a shorty. I definitely didn't see this one coming, but there we have it. Out of nowhere, I got this idea from a song I heard on the radio, and ATWF had another good, seasonal prompt still going on, so I thought 'eh, screw it.' And here we are.

Thanks for reading! :D

* * *

The static from her sweater sent her hair nearly up on end, and it crackled as she gathered it and spun it around. Anchoring it into a high ponytail, she let the pin straight locks go and slumped against the back of her sofa with a shuddered sigh.

In a few hours, the streetlamps would turn on, and the feather-light snow on the paths would be laden with dozens of footprints from winter boots marching up the steep hill. Friends, family, and couples out to watch the sky for the annual Starry Night Festival. It was a beautiful event. The cold would be melted away in hot chocolate and snuggles, and the end of the year would be celebrated with love.

Rio wasn't going to go out this year. She was too cynical. Where last year she had been able to gape in awe at the heavenly blanket above like everybody else, this time around, all she could see were cold pinpricks of hollow light. What was so special about tramping out in the slush and ice to freeze your ass off looking at the same sky that was out there every other night?

She looked away from the window, drawing her legs up underneath her. Rio held her chilled toes and considered putting on a second pair of socks. Her eyes automatically went to the corner of the room. If she wasn't staring out the window, her bitterness was usually centered in that direction instead. The acoustic guitar propped up there was starting to collect dust. At first, it gave her hope that things would work themselves out since he hadn't come back for it yet, but it had been ten days since she'd even seen him. It was about time for her to make the trip and hand it back herself. It was over.

" _Do I have to spell it out for you?"_

That was already ten days ago… It wasn't a mystery how it started. She goaded him. It was his own stubborn fault though. If he wasn't such a pig-headed jerk, they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

Rio reluctantly recalled their biggest fight yet, as if she hadn't replayed it over in her mind time and time again since it happened. Reassuring herself she was right, and Neil was in the wrong.

She got up and headed to her kitchen counter. She popped open the lid off of the tub and scooped out an eyeballed measurement of grounds. She dumped it in the waiting filter and switched on the machine, adding in the water late.

It was just after Harmony Day. As it was the gift-giving season for the girls in town, Rio had big plans for her boyfriend. Neil wasn't a fan of sweets, so Rio planned on taking him on a wild goose chase throughout the day, dropping hints that the food he found most detestable – chocolate cake of all things – was going to be waiting for him at the end of their trip. It was all in good, teasing fun. She would lead him around town, treat him to his favorite drink, and when they got to her house, he'd find a brand new guitar case waiting with a full, home-cooked dinner courtesy of the rancher herself. She knew he was surly and never liked going out, but just this once, she knew even _he_ couldn't resist. Or so she had thought.

They never went out. They never did anything for Harmony Day. Because he all but told her to piss off since he had work to do. So she did. And her day was spent without him. And she had a mighty fine time without him, too. The day after was when they fought about it. _Like he had a right._

" _No,_ _you_ _don't give a damn!"_

Rio watched as the maker sputtered and hot coffee pooled in the bottom of the pot. The relaxing scent curled in tantalizing swirls of steam. She leaned against the counter with her arms crossed, her leg bouncing impatiently.

She couldn't believe the things he said to her. The accusations he made. He was petty and senselessly jealous and inconsiderate. She was better off without a guy like him.

The coffee maker fizzed to a stop, and Rio spun around to retrieve a mug from the cupboard. She pulled open the door and stood on her tiptoes, choosing a blue porcelain mug with a chip in the handle and knocking the door closed again. She poured herself a full cup; black, how she liked it. Rio inhaled deeply and took a tentative sip and found it scalding. Recoiling, she blew on the surface and tried it again.

" _You just like the attention."_

Rio grit her teeth at the burn on her tongue. She angrily turned and dumped her fresh mug of coffee into the sink, making it slosh around the basin and spin down the drain in waste. She spat at it for good measure, turning on the faucet and rinsing out her mug.

She did everything for Neil. All he cared about was his job. Like she wasn't busy, too? _The nerve!_

Harmony Day was her wake up call. It was the last time she was going to let him cancel on her, dash her hopes again, blow her off. Rio was always doing her best, doing _everything_ for their relationship. Since they began dating in summer, she had planned all of their dates and outings and hangouts. He would never initiate _anything_. It was always her job to make sure they even _spoke_ to one another. She busted her ass trying to make him happy, and all it ever got her was a lecture on who she was allowed to hang out with when he was too busy ignoring her.

"Asshole…" she muttered at her sink, glaring at the dark drain.

That was right. She was _glad_ they fought. It ended this exhausting game of trying to make him open up to her. It only hurt because it was forcing her to spend this holiday all alone. And that was embarrassing. That was the only reason.

She looked up past her counter and found the open hole of the guitar staring back at her. It made Rio feel guilty for her harsh thoughts despite her anger. That instrument used to make her heart feel so light. Neil was so good at playing guitar. He was an introverted guy, so he'd never play at the music festivals in town or anything, but Rio always tried to convince him to. But she secretly loved that he only played in front of her. She could still hear that rhythmic, earthy strum as she sprawled on the couch with her eyes shut above where he'd sit on the floor. She'd play with his hair, and he'd pretend he didn't like it, but he'd get comfortable and lean into her anyways. Rio could lay like that for hours after a long day. No special event or big plan necessary…

But he ruined that. He threw it away. He took her for granted.

Rio was confident Neil would see just how much she'd done, and he'd miss her for it. Miss her more than she'd think about him at any rate. Of that, she was sure. Positive. Completely.

She went back to her sofa and looked out the window, her legs feeling stiff as she stood there. Just as promised, the first groups were gathering on the main street in the dusk. Kids jumping up and down in excitement, buzzed on the sugar-loaded hot cocoa from the restaurant.

Neil would be sorry. He'd see it soon enough. The only problem Rio need to be concerned with was just how she was going to turn him away when he came crawling back to her.

 _Right._

She couldn't sit still. Grabbing her coat and the doorknob at the same time, Rio stepped out into the cold evening air. She was going for a walk.


	2. Was

The barn was almost stifling in his winter coat, but he didn't want to bother having to put it on again. He was only supposed to be in and out for a quick check up on the cattle, but his mind was wandering, and he welcomed the distraction of brushing his prize steer. His eyes followed the strokes, the thin paths made in the lines of fur, with the monotonous task.

It was a holiday, but that didn't mean much to Neil. It wasn't like animals took a break and didn't need feeding just because everyone got it in their heads they needed some social time. Neil didn't need that. It never bothered him. Being alone.

" _What else was I supposed to do?"_

 _Could start by not_ _cheating on me_ _,_ he answered her question in his head, temple throbbing in anger again at the mere memory of it. The steer stomped his hooves in place, making it clear he was uncomfortable with how rough Neil started brushing. Neil backed off and gave him a sound pat in apology.

He knew it wasn't a good idea the minute he started dating the local rancher. They had a lot in common, she was kind but quiet like he was, and they most definitely had completely different ideas of romance. He couldn't say it out loud lest he sound like a stony moron, but he could _not_ do romance. He wasn't sentimental. Didn't understand the logic of the picky rituals and anniversaries of a relationship. Absolutely _loathed_ any of the above in public. Heaven forbid. But that didn't mean he couldn't love at all.

It was just after Harmony Day when he had to say goodbye to Rio. His girlfriend wanted him to drop everything again and go cavorting about like an idiot, but he straight up didn't have time for that. There was always a handful of animal festivals coming up, and if he couldn't prove himself as a worthy adversary in the competitions, his business would plummet. His herds required constant attention and care, and all Rio ever wanted to do was order him around. Tell him he was wrong. _Because she was usually right, but…_

Neil tossed the brush down on the work table, and it bounced from the impact and landed against a tin of bolts, creating a noisy clang. A few of the herd mooed back in complaint, but Neil ignored them and removed his leather work gloves finger by finger. He slapped them down together and reached for the broken bit he never fixed.

It felt like Rio didn't even like him. She always had that glum look on her face. And if she wasn't moping, she was talking over him and forcing plans down his throat. Not once did she ever ask where _he_ wanted to go. Maybe dates wouldn't be so bad if he got to pick the place every now and again… but she was a control freak. He was better off without a bossy girl like her.

" _You know that's not true."_

He held the tacks between his teeth, pulling the strap taught and holding it flat against the table. He wound the new loop through the bit. He didn't even have to look as he blindly grabbed the hammer on his left and put the tack in place, giving it one good hit. He flipped it over and did it again. He lifted the repaired strap and gave it a tug, deeming that the horse wasn't going to unravel it anytime soon.

Neil was glad he couldn't go out on Harmony Day. His horse needed new shoes, and that was going to be a long process cleaning out each hoof. She was a finicky mare, and he would have to put up a fight, and he'd be too tired for shenanigans. He didn't feel like getting dressed up and going out. Rio wouldn't understand.

But that showed him her true colors. Neil always told her he didn't like him. And he didn't like Neil; that was clear as day. He was always telling Rio to drop him. She was an even bigger idiot than he thought if she was totally ignorant to his schmoozing. That guy liked Rio, no matter how much she insisted 'they were just friends.' Neil knew better.

She was immature. She did it on purpose. She was pissed Neil wouldn't play along, so she went out with _him_ instead. Rio knew full well it would set him off. She was actively trying to pick a fight, so Neil gave it to her.

It was only a matter of time. Rio didn't pick her friends wisely, and she was even worse about picking her battles. Neil told it to her straight. Her 'just friend' was into her, and she could go be with him for all he cared. He was sick of her games, and if she wanted to juggle boyfriends, she could do it with someone else.

" _You're crazy!"_

The tack popped off, and the strap flopped back open. Neil scowled at the harness of the bit, knowing from the start he'd have to buy a new one. But it was worth a shot trying to fix it first. _Can't fix everything though._

He let it drop from his hands, and he leaned against the work table. He cleared up some of the things that were misplaced, knowing the mess had an order to him and only him. Neil picked at a splinter chipped up from the wood until it was loose enough to flick away. He ran his hand over the spot, thinking to himself it needed a good varnish ten years too late.

He really tried. He was understanding, gave her space. He respected her, and let her have her way nine times out of ten. But there was only so much Neil could do. He was only one person, and that person wasn't the guy up to par with Rio's impossible standards. So she could happily screw off.

His hand found the loose tack, and he picked it up. Examining it, he spun it around between his rough thumb and forefinger. The round, silver head reminded him of a day back in fall. When he paid more than they were worth for a set of tiny studs that looked similar. Back when he was worried about impressing her.

Those little earrings suited her he thought, so he finally bought them. Then he found out when he gave them to her that her ears weren't even pierced. She wanted to keep them though. So, at her request, he pierced her ears himself. She pinched her eyes shut, trusting him but still scared of the needle, fingers dug into the arm of the couch. He told her it felt like he was tagging a cow, and she got so _mad_. But she was calm after that. He had to hide his smile and stop his hands from shaking as he held in the laughter.

Too bad. That was over and done with now. Old news. Something else to forget. His voice came out low as he glared at the tack. "That's too bad…"

Those memories felt sour now. Just made him mad. That she was so wrong or that he let her be wrong for so long – he wasn't sure. But Rio would think about it. She'd look back one day and see what she did and regret it. She might even want him to take her back, but Neil would sooner bite that bit than get wrangled under her thumb again.

Neil dropped the tack in the tin with the bolts. He walked along the wall towards the door and took the handle in both hands, giving it a firm yank to get it rolling along the rusty track. It creaked in protest all the way as he left the barn and closed the door after him. He shoved his hands in his pockets, figuring he'd take a walk to clear the dusty thoughts from his head.


	3. Wrong

_Rio was at her craft table, hovering over a set of blueprints for a chicken coop with a sandwich between her teeth when the door slammed back on its hinges behind her. She jumped in surprise, whirling around and removing the sandwich from her mouth. She swallowed and scrunched her brow. "Neil? What happened?"_

" _That's what I wanna ask you!" He shouted, leaving the door hanging open despite the snow drifting in and melting on the floor. Neil had planned to get right up in her face, but her eyes were like the opposite pole of a magnet to him, keeping him fuming at a distance. "You cheated on me?!"_

 _Rio nearly choked, but she snorted as if the very idea was ridiculous. "What?! Of course not!"_

" _Then why am I hearing about the two of you going around yesterday? Because I told you I couldn't? What the hell is your problem?!" Neil gestured behind him, not really knowing what to do with his hands to keep them from clenching into fists at his sides._

 _Rio slammed down her pencil on her work table, crossing her arms in return and setting her hip. "I went out with a friend,_ _yeah_ _. You were busy and told me to scram, so I wasn't going to let all of my work go to—"_

 _Neil rolled his eyes and audibly groaned over her bitching. "Yeah, yeah, tell yourself that."_

" _What else was I supposed to do?" She countered. Rio didn't notice that her sandwich had lost its lettuce as she started gesticulating wildly, too. "Sit at home and mope again?! Jesus, Neil, you come in here screaming at me like it's the end of the world, but the truth is, you just can't handle the consequences of telling me to piss off—"_

" _I never said that! Why do you keep saying that?" Neil rubbed his eyes, hard. Spots of color bloomed behind his eyelids, but he didn't stop until it hurt. He dropped his hand. "I was at the barn all day be—"_

 _It was Rio's turn to cut him off. "Yeah, I heard that excuse the first time! And we're just friends, Neil. I've told you that a thousand times."_

"' _Just friends,' sure," Neil grunted in retort, hands going to his pockets. She had no sense of loyalty. She could get any guy in town, and she was actively rubbing it in Neil's face._

" _He's a good guy!" Rio defended her friend. True, he was a man, but that shouldn't matter in the slightest. Rio was allowed to have friends outside of her relationship with Neil; he didn't own her._

 _Fed up, Neil slouched his shoulders, finally looking her in the eye again. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"_

" _Spell what?!" She challenged. Rio half-wondered if the people loitering outside the general store could hear their yelling from here._

 _He knew she wasn't this dense. It was all a game to her. "He's after you!"_

" _You know that's not true," she mumbled, her voice cracking on the last syllable. Rio wouldn't cry. She wouldn't let him see her cry for this._

 _Neil turned away with a 'tch' of his teeth. Fine. She could do whatever she wanted. It wouldn't be his worry anymore. "You're blind."_

" _I am not!" Rio nearly screamed, taking everything she had in her not to let the tears roll out. She clenched her jaw in the following silence, a welcome respite before she got back to her point. He was a bully. "You come up with these insane theories out of nothing. It's not like you give a damn about me either – you just want something to complain about!"_

 _She was such a manipulator, turning something_ _she_ _did wrong back at him like it was his fault. Rio did wrong. Not Neil. Not this time and never again between them. Neil glared at her, shaking his head. "No,_ _you_ _don't give a damn! And you know what else? Go ahead and give him his screw – see if I care."_

 _Rio threw her hands up in the air in defeat. "You're crazy!"_

 _Neil didn't take that one well. It invalidated everything he felt, was trying to say. How betrayed and low he was because of her. He took the doorknob and walked out, hitting her with one last jab. To even out the hurt. "Please… You just like the attention."_

 _After the door shut with a bang that rattled the rafters, Rio's lip quivered in a mixture of shock and anger at the fresh wounds. It was so quiet. She didn't know what to do with herself. Having lost her appetite long ago, she threw the remnants of her sandwich into the garbage bin. She tried to go back to her blueprints, but they blurred before her very eyes until they were spattered with tears. Frustrated, she let the early sketches go in a crumpled ball after her sandwich in the bin._

Her breath expelled from her lips in a cloud over her head. She watched it dissipate into the night air, towards the bright canopy of stars she was currently watching by herself. She felt bad. Rio still felt like their fight happened yesterday. Echoing in her mind with should've, would've, could've. But for the first time since she was yelling back at him, the anger was gone. Like her breath fading in the air. She could think it over logically now. And move into a feeling more akin with grief.

Neil's meandering path had regrettably brought him to the main drag through town, walking in the noticeably opposite direction of villagers and tourists alike on their way to the best spot to watch the stars now shining in the sky. There was still an inky purple along the horizon line, and though the sun set early this time of year, the streetlamps turned themselves on even earlier and lit the dim trail. Their fight from over a week ago was playing like a bad rerun over again in his head like he was looking for something he missed. The irritation had ebbed and was becoming something new. Something hopeless.

Rio's quiet spot in the forest was completely devoid of anyone, and it was pitch black. If it wasn't for the flashlight in her pocket, she'd get lost on the way back home even though she was sure no one else knew these woods as well as her. The quiet was supposed to be welcome, tranquil. But Rio felt like she was under a spotlight. Like she was found out. She wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else. But there was nowhere she could think of she wanted to be. But out here alone.

After nearly being shoulder checked, Neil dodged a family with _far_ too many giggling kids in tow. He wanted to get away from it all, but he was already power walking as fast as he could without raising eyebrows. But with the way he hung his head and cast unfriendly sneers to anyone who crossed his way, he was already getting funny looks. He was never good with people. Never liked being surrounded by them. Always felt like he was being attacked. But he couldn't think of anywhere to go that was better than right here. He knew he was trying to get away, but where would he go when this street ended? Back around the corner again? There was nowhere to go and everything to run from.

It was time to head back. Rio closed her eyes and listened to the forest for just a bit longer, so still and eerie in the winter. She forced herself to her feet to start the trek, switching on the torch to light her way. What was she going to do when she got back though? Roll around on her couch and stare at the ceiling? She didn't want to be out, but it was too early to go to bed. Rio felt stuck in a strange limbo.

The end of the street finally appeared, and the crowds thinned to a trickle of stragglers late to the party. Neil lingered by the restaurant for a few minutes, wondering if he should get a cup of coffee or not, but he really didn't need the caffeine extending his already sleepless nights. _So what now, genius?_

As Rio retraced her steps in the snow and found herself on the outskirts of town…

As Neil loitered by a bench beside the local restaurant…

Something occurred to her.

Something struck him as odd.

Maybe she didn't know him well at all.

Maybe he didn't appreciate her enough.

She put too much pressure on him. Didn't respect his nature.

He didn't try as hard for her as she did for him. Didn't look out for her.

When was the last time she thanked him?

He couldn't recall a time when he said he loved her.

When did she last ask about his day? Really listened?

He tried to buy her reassurance that he cared.

Hot tears welled in her eyes, but she took a deep breath before they could fall. She had to pull herself together. She wasn't supposed to miss him. But it was her fault.

His eyes were stinging and his nose was burning, but if anyone dared ask him, he'd blame it on the cold. He was already over her. But it was his fault.

Instead of attacking back with everything she had, why didn't Rio think to tell him what he needed to hear? Calmly tell him no, of course not, it wasn't a date. Would never be. If anything, he was cheering her up since she was so down without Neil. That it was always him, no one else. Nobody could make her so happy, so sad. Bring so much emotion out of her. She needed him around because she liked being that way. Sure, they'd fight like no one else, but every tear shed made her feel closer to him. Gave her a stronger foundation. Showed him a side of herself she didn't even know she had. Why didn't she tell him that? Why didn't she say sorry…?

Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to come blaring in, sword drawn, like it was a fight for his life when it was just his ego on the line? He felt emasculated, insecure. He hated feeling like that. Like there was something to prove. Feeling like someone knew her better, could love her better because he knew how _easy_ that would be since he was such a closed off, distant person. He did everything he could to shut her out and got mad when it succeeded. Why was that her fault? She'd made him vulnerable, and he was scared of that. It was too real. But was it scary enough to abandon it? To give up?

Before she clearly knew what she was doing, her feet were taking her in a familiar direction. Rio was already thinking of ways to dodge the easy accusations that she was bound to get showing up like this. She was just lonely because it was a festival, she couldn't stand being alone, she was pathetic. Things she knew could potentially be true, but it wasn't what was leading her to him.

He was stalking off towards her ranch before he could talk himself out of it. Neil tried to come up with excuses to make him sound like less of an idiot when he appeared at her door out of nowhere on the night of the festival. It has nothing to do with the holiday or the day or whatever, he just wanted to… see her.

Even if he would never forgive her…

It was okay if she still hated him, but…

Rio stopped at his front door, looking at the building like it was looming over her like a monster. It was unassuming enough. No friendly flowerboxes or anything like that, but the front porch was clean and there was a homey rocking chair.

Neil let out the last of his resistance in a sigh as he stared at her stoop. Three little steps of stone and her intimidating front door. There was a knocker in the center, but he never used it. He considered it now, but habit told him to just do what he always did.

 _Knock, Knock, Knock_

Deafening, heavy silence.

Her hand fell. Rio doubtfully looked to the dark window and bit her lip, trying again.

Neil felt like his heart was being strangled between his empty lungs. He saw the light was out, but he knocked again.

No answer.

 _Figures._

It wasn't like it was just a regular Wednesday night. It was a holiday. Of course they'd be out.

They each turned away, feeling worse for wear and thoroughly bruised.

Rio knew it. She was stupid. She didn't deserve a second chance, but she knew exactly what she'd say anyways. How sorry she was she never paid any attention. For being so selfish. For being immature and hurting him so bad. Her boots scattered the powder below her feet as she ambled the miserable way home.

Neil felt like an idiot. All of the things he never saw before, how he wished he gave her the time and love she deserved, how he had blocked her out, how he had projected his hatred of himself onto her friends. He was the bad guy. Hands still in his coat pockets, he knew he'd turn in early, but he wouldn't be able to fall asleep for hours after this.

The streets of Echo Town were empty. The Starry Night Festival in full swing, everyone who was anyone was gathered on the mountaintop to enjoy one another's company in the serene nightfall. Children gasped at a shooting star. Hands were squeezed, kisses stolen. Though it was cold outside, the winter felt warm.

Under the burn of the streetlights, two silhouettes' heavy steps were on a path to collide. But at a distance, they came to an uncertain halt at the same time.

Surprise evident in both of their features, Neil and Rio faced off with one another unexpectedly in the middle of the road. Only the yellow glow from the lanterns lit the world around them, seeming to center each in circles of light.

It was clear as day where each had just been. And now they had gotten their wish. Here they were.

Neil closed his mouth, looking away first, red in the face with a wavering frown on his lips. She was wearing his earrings.

Rio studied his profile, her lips parted dumbly and feeling her own face ignite in embarrassment. He had been crying.

There was a beat between them of awkward tension, but their promises to make things right were not forgotten. Courage bubbling. Feet shuffling. Hands fidgeting. A deep breath taken through the nose.

"I…"

 _Forgive you, too._


End file.
